Head in the Clouds

After the Garage Sale

See yesterday's post for the before video!

Before the Garage Sale

See my next post to find out what happened!

In the News

Quite without planning to, I haven’t posted for a while. Thought I’d start up again with three items from the news:

1 The headline reads “Man Calls 911 about Son's Messy Room.” Here’s the story: A 28-year-old Ohio man, a member of the local school board, lives in his parents’ basement. One night, at the dinner table, he and his father argue about the son’s messy room. The son throws a plate of food across the table. The father calls 911.

In the past, I might have read the article with contemptuous glee. But now I see the possibility of ADD. A guy who does caring work for his community, housekeeping challenges, difficulty regulating emotions, impulsive behavior. I feel compassion for the guys and am sorry for the ridicule people are heaping on them in comments sections.

2 A young woman wrote to Dear Abby back in February. The advice seeker was a creative and talented designer, she said, but she just couldn’t seem to finish the projects she started. “Could I have a disorder?” she asked.

“Not unless being disorganized and not a self-starter is a disorder,” answered Abby, adding a little lecture on the consequences. “Stop the self-indulgence and get moving!”

Luckily, a couple people wrote in to educate Abby about ADD.

3 I was sorry to hear about Susan Boyle’s breakdown after she took second place on Britain’s Got Talent, and I wish her well. But I want to comment about her first performance. Did you see the eye-rolling and condescending looks audience members and judges gave Boyle got when she first got up on stage? Well, she showed them!

But she shouldn’t have had to. No one deserves to be treated in that disparaging way, no matter how awkward socially … and no matter whether his or her singing is off-key or brings you to tears. Those of us who are different shouldn’t have to demonstrate extreme talent to earn basic respect as human beings.

I chose to link to this version of Boyle’s performance because I like what the person who posted it has to say (loosely translated): “I’m a fan of Susan’s, not just because all those people who made fun of her ended up dropping their jaws in amazement, but also because she taught us that talent comes in many forms. Let’s stop judging people on appearances … and let’s not forget the lesson she’s taught us!” 

A Lost Opportunity

I sent a condolence letter yesterday. It was about a second cousin of mine who’d had peritoneal cancer. Although I hadn’t seen her for years, we were the same age and had played together as kids on family visits. Meaning she was only 52—my age—when she died. 

I was pleased, though, to have actually sent the condolence letter, because I have a history of not getting them out. It’s not that I don’t care, although it might look that way. If I can do it online, I’m good—like yesterday. But getting a nice card, a thoughtful note, the address, and a stamp all together in the same place at the same time stymies me, no matter how much I’m moved to express my sympathy. On an old to-do list of mine are several condolence letters I’ve never written. They’re a heavy weight.

Just last fall, this cousin’s mother—my mom’s cousin—also died of peritoneal cancer. Right away, I e-mailed letters of condolence to my second cousin and one of her brothers.

But the e-mail addresses were old, and my messages bounced back to me. I meant to figure out where to send snail mail to this cousin and her brother. I would like to have connected with her in this small way before she died. But I never got around to it. 

I once heard someone say that lost opportunities go hand in hand with ADD. I definitely lost this opportunity.

And there’s one more little piece. For some reason, I ended up on the phone with my mom’s cousin—the mother of my second cousin—a couple years ago. We had a nice chat. And we ended up talking about ADD. Someone she knew had it—I don’t remember who.

I said I’d send her some of my favorite ADD resources. But that task ended up as just one of the many aging items on my to-do list. And, as it turns out, as another lost opportunity.

CaringBridge provides free websites that help families, friends, and the larger community keep in touch through "critical illness, treatment, and recovery"—or not. Looks to be extrememly helpful for anyone, but could be particularly useful for people with organizational challenges. Although I would love to have known earlier about the website there for my cousin, at least the site enabled me to send a letter of condolence when my branch of the family did find out about it.

My Best on Mother's Day, Whether or Not You're a Mom

I slipped her in under the wire. My daughter, I mean. I was 42 when I gave birth to her, my first and only child. Whew. Motherhood is a pretty big thing to put off till the last minute.

ADD certainly played a role. I wonder if I might have become a mother earlier if I'd been less scattered, more decisive, and more comfortable with myself. I ended up wandering through a lot of relationships before I married my daughter's father—and before I finally started using the basal body thermometer to get pregnant.

Years ago, an infertility experience also delayed my foray into motherhood. On Mother's Day, I send a particularly heartfelt greeting to anyone who has wanted to become a parent but who has not, for whatever reason.

To moms with ADD and mothers of ADD kids, I send my greeting by video. (OK, it didn't work perfectly, but it's a hoot!)

Follow Me on Twitter—or Not

I got myself on Twitter (the microblogging platform) a little over a month ago. It's a great place to connect with other people with ADD! A great place to find links to information about ADD—and everything else! A great place to spend hours without even noticing!

I invite you to follow me on Twitter (I'm kathwriter). But first, you might want to read this blog post by ADD coach Robert Gordon: "Twitter is Great for ADHDers. But Proceed with Caution." (By the way, I found Gordon and his blog on Twitter.)

I'm not spending as much time wandering on Twitter as I did at first. Here's what's helped me manage my tweeting time so far:

• I downloaded TweetDeck, a sort of browser for Twitter. I set up a group for people I follow who have an interest in ADD, and I set up a search for the hashtag #adhd. So I can check out tweets in just those two columns, minimizing the risk of getting pulled in by links to photos of Gaudí's Sagrada Familia, a webcam of peregrine falcon chicks, or an interview with Dolly Parton.

• I turned off TweetDeck's notification sounds, so they don't pull me in when I've minimized TweetDeck. (And so they don't interrupt online guided meditations!) I definitely don't have Twitter running all the time on some corner of my desktop.  

• I favorite messages with links I might want to check out, instead of following all interesting links immediately. (That's what really gets me into trouble!) So I haven't  lost the links to the peregrine falcons or Dolly Parton, even though I haven't checked them out yet.

• I let go of the urge to be thorough and not miss anything. Well, I'm working on that one.

Recognizing the Gifts of ADD in a Spouse and a Child

A non-ADD wife and mom really gets it! Check out this lovely essay in ADDitude magazine.

Days Off Are Never Boring

One evening, when my daughter was little, I asked her to brush her teeth, then went downstairs for a minute. When I returned, she hadn't brushed—but she'd drawn a detailed picture of her Winnie the Pooh toothbrush, marked with a red circle and a slash.

I totally relate to her urge to create art instead of brushing her teeth. And it highlights for me the role of boredom in ADD. Around here, we can pretty much always cook up a fun project or engage in interesting conversation, whether out loud or inside our heads. You won't find us sitting around on the couch complaining that we're bored because there's nothing to do. 

On the other hand, when we have to do something that's not so interesting, we're likely to drag our feet and moan and groan about it. Like picking up toys or filing papers or brushing our teeth. Ugh. Boring.

My daughter had a day off school last week. And she was busy all day, relaxed and cheerful except for the few times I made her pick stuff up. She helped me plant some seedlings and rode around on her scooter. She played two kazoos. She put the gerbils in their balls a bunch of times so they could run around.  Here are a few of the other things she did to entertain herself:

 

Later, she held a lovely outdoor wedding for these gloves, then threw them in the air so they'd burst on her bicycle-helmeted head.

 

The bumper-car (gerbil-ball) arena needed a sign.

She made a beaded bear and a beaded star before assembling this Pegasus. 

Ten Things I Know as a Person with ADD

 

 

1. Piles of magazines on the floor are dangerously slippery. 

 

 

2. Stuffed closets make great habitat for mice. So do stacks of paper against the wall.

 

3. A clean can opener when you need it is a pleasure not to be taken for granted. Same with a clean garlic press or clean water-bottle lids.

 

4. You don’t need to sort laundry (as long as you take a few precautions).

 

5. It’s easier to find clothes to wear if you fold and stack the clean laundry—even if the stacks are still on the couch.

 

6. Talking timers are not just for the blind.

 

7. Being late does not mean you don’t care, you didn’t try, or you’re passive-aggressive.

8. It’s possible to work really, really hard and accomplish about as much as you would have if you'd sat on the couch watching soaps and eating bonbons.

9. Inattention is in the eye of the beholder.

10. People with ADD plan the most creative and fun birthday parties.

Further reading: I also know that it’s possible to lose a baby outfit or an indoor basketball hoop in a pile of papers.

ADD in Victorian Literature—in a Girl

When I was growing up, a poster advertising the novel Jane Eyre hung in our family room for ages. My sister had made it for a school project, and I loved the slender figure of Jane she’d drawn in black and white. Despite the great marketing, though, I’ve never read the book.

But my friend Sharon has, and she e-mailed me about it. Turns out my sister might have had something in common with Jane Eyre. My sister’s sister (that would be me) had ADD, and Jane’s good friend might also have had ADD. In both cases, it was way before anyone would have thought to put a name to the condition.

Here (with her permission) are Sharon’s astute observations of Jane’s friend Helen:

I always find it interesting when I see a character in literature who probably has ADD or ADHD. It's easy enough to spot boys with ADHD (Tom Sawyer, amongst others), but I hadn't noticed any girls with ADD until just recently.

I'm rereading Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. Jane's good friend in the school she attends is Helen Burns. Helen is called a "slattern" by her teacher. She talks of intending to tidy her drawers, but forgetting. In classes where she is interested, she does very well, but in others, she goes into a dream state and has no idea what is being taught. This picture of ADD in girls struck me as quite clear, and it's fascinating to see it in a novel first published in 1847.

Most analysis of this character deals with her "angelic" duration of the hardships in the school. I couldn't find any association of her with ADD through Google—perhaps no one has seen it, but I don't think I'm reading in a false interpretation. Interesting.

Yes, definitely interesting! Anybody else noticed characters with ADD in novels you’ve read? The main character of Breathing Lessons by Anne Tyler pops into my mind.